Trust should be such an easy concept to grasp. Any relationship is solely based on it, On Trust. Once that trust is broken you have nothing. No relationship can thrive with the constant reminder that the person you are staring at, that you claim to love might not be all they are cracked up to be.
The first year I was with my boyfriend, I was in love. I had no doubts about him, I knew that I had met the boy I was going to spend the rest of my life with. Then he left for school. We started to fight, constantly because slowly but surely my trust in him was disappearing. I wasn't allowd to come visit him, he claimed it wasn't allowd. But When he'd come home he'd recieve texts from random girls, asking what he was up to, many winky faces followed. When I'd ask him to relply back with he was with his girlfriend, their responses were all the same, "I didn't know you had a girlfriend". Of course I was hurt. Here was the guy that I had numerous discussions with about our future, he sighned my senior year book with a 3 and a half pages of what are future life would be like, and for some reason he just didn't seem to be as proud of me as I was of him.
I let that argument pass, we stayed together for a few more months, Until he joined a frat, and a girl from a fellow soriety invited him to one of there dances. At first he wasn't going to tell me, but I found out. When he came home his phone was full of texts from this girl. And a majority of them weren't innocent. We broke up 3 days later, and I was absolutely heartbroken. 8 months passed. 8 months of no contact, because the girl that broke up our relationship didn't want him talking to. Ironically their relationship ended because she found out he sent me a facebook message asking for my number because he got a new phone. She broke up with him within a week following.
Soon after she started a blog, much like this. Blaming me for their breakup, claiming I attacked her numerous times via the web, when I read that I asked maxx to get proof. I never contacted that girl. I had no drive to ever exchange words with her since she was the cause of the worst breakup I ever experienced. When those 8 months passed and I heard from him again, my guard was up. It took forever for me to feel comfortable with him again. I never fully got over that, Till this day even though we are back together, I still find myself getting upset over this situation.
But Now a few weeks before we became official the second time around, I found out that he had one of his exs over with the intention of having sex. Of course I was hurt by this, we were already talking about getting together. We were on the verge of getting back together.
After I found this out, we argued, I was hurt, the past was biting me in the ass and I was questioning once again that guy that supposedly "loves" me, deserves my trust. At the end of the day we talked it out, he asked me what he could do to fix things, that he was in a relationship with me and he cared about me. I'm not the type of girl that tells her guy what to do. I won't ask them to not talk to girls, the majority of my friends are male, I'd be a hypocrit to ask that of him. But i told him I didn't want him talking to that girl. He then responded that "he promised he would no longer be in any contact with her". I believed him.
Till today.
He's still talking to her. I betrayed his trust. I creeped his phone.
I needed to believe him. I needed to know that I could trust him again. And then I found out that I can't.
So what's a girl to do? I love him. But i'm hurt. Can this work if I can't trust him to keep such a simple promise?
Maybe.
Maybe not.
THAT GIRL.
