The Male Ignorance

Its sad when you begin to reallize that the myth that all men are the same slowly becomes reallity. When theres a problem most people hear things out, argue and try and fix it. Why do men just ignore it??
     If you ignore a problem for hours on end and then text or call or even show up at your significant others house pretending that nothings wrong does NOT work. A matter or fact it might just make things worse. Something at one time that could have just been resolved over a simple conversation has now blown up to something much worse...especially when the reallization that you have not changed after all has occured.
     Sometimes you dont ask for what is given to you...it just happens. Your put in situations you might or might not like. Sometimes its something you wished you never had to deal with. But do you give up a man that you love? Or put up with something you hate?

THAT GIRL

The Concept of Trust, And the Ability To Break It

       Trust should be such an easy concept to grasp. Any relationship is solely based on it, On Trust. Once that trust is broken you have nothing. No relationship can thrive with the constant reminder that the person you are staring at, that you claim to love might not be all they are cracked up to be.
       The first year I was with my boyfriend, I was in love. I had no doubts about him, I knew that I had met the boy I was going to spend the rest of my life with. Then he left for school. We started to fight, constantly because slowly but surely my trust in him was disappearing. I wasn't allowd to come visit him, he claimed it wasn't allowd. But When he'd come home he'd recieve texts from random girls, asking what he was up to, many winky faces followed. When I'd ask him to relply back with he was with his girlfriend, their responses were all the same, "I didn't know you had a girlfriend". Of course I was hurt. Here was the guy that I had numerous discussions with about our future, he sighned my senior year book with a 3 and a half pages of what are future life would be like, and for some reason he just didn't seem to be as proud of me as I was of him.
       I let that argument pass, we stayed together for a few more months, Until he joined a frat, and a girl from a fellow soriety invited him to one of there dances. At first he wasn't going to tell me, but I found out. When he came home his phone was full of texts from this girl. And a majority of them weren't innocent. We broke up 3 days later, and I was absolutely heartbroken. 8 months passed. 8 months of no contact, because the girl that broke up our relationship didn't want him talking to. Ironically their relationship ended because she found out he sent me a facebook message asking for my number because he got a new phone. She broke up with him within a week following.
      Soon after she started a blog, much like this. Blaming me for their breakup, claiming I attacked her numerous times via the web, when I read that I asked maxx to get proof. I never contacted that girl. I had no drive to ever exchange words with her since she was the cause of the worst breakup I ever experienced. When those 8 months passed and I heard from him again, my guard was up. It took forever for me to feel comfortable with him again. I never fully got over that, Till this day even though we are back together, I still find myself getting upset over this situation.
     But Now a few weeks before we became official the second time around, I found out that he had one of his exs over with the intention of having sex. Of course I was hurt by this, we were already talking about getting together. We were on the verge of getting back together.
     After I found this out, we argued, I was hurt, the past was biting me in the ass and I was questioning once again that guy that supposedly "loves" me, deserves my trust. At the end of the day we talked it out, he asked me what he could do to fix things, that he was in a relationship with me and he cared about me. I'm not the type of girl that tells her guy what to do. I won't ask them to not talk to girls, the majority of my friends are male, I'd be a hypocrit to ask that of him. But i told him I didn't want him talking to that girl. He then responded that "he promised he would no longer be in any contact with her". I believed him.
      Till today.
  
He's still talking to her. I betrayed his trust. I creeped his phone.
I needed to believe him. I needed to know that I could trust him again. And then I found out that I can't.

So what's a girl to do? I love him. But i'm hurt. Can this work if I can't trust him to keep such a simple promise?

Maybe.
Maybe not.

THAT GIRL.

A Woman's Scorn

        The boyfriend had a child. Well he fathered a child. When the relationship that he began after me ended, he found a rebound girl. At first he was maybe considering something more with this girl, at first it was really just sex. However the more he got to know the girl...the more he began to reallize that she was nuts. She was ecstatic to show him her youtube page, which more so just resembled something that looked like a 10 year old trying to act, it's very odd to say the least. She also find the need to brag about the multiple antidepressant drugs she was taking. There were a few screws missing from this one.
       The longer they hung out, which never exceeded 2 months, the more he learned and the less he liked. But she was an easy lay, and didn't have to put forth any effort to get it in. But one day she brought up the enevitable, the conversation that every guy hates, what are we? Where are we going? He told her that he like the sex, but he wasn't looking for anything more. She didn't like that answer, she got very upset. But a few days later, she was fine. That was the last time they hungout, then a month and a half later she contacted him and said she was pregnant. How did this happen? Well the girl was on birthcontrol. She was then placed on an antibiotics. Well any girl knows that an antibiotic counter acts the birthcontrol. Some might think, well the majority might think that she tried to trap him. I can't say I would disagree with you.
       I was the first person that my boyfriend called, in tears, terrified of what he was going to do. I've stood by him threw the most dramatic 9 months ever. Well now the child is 4 weeks old. And the mom wants something more with my man. He's made it very clear that he does not.
      When someone is hurt they last out, try and hurt the one who hurt them. No one knows that he is a father except a select few that he knew he could trust. But now everyone knows. She tagged him in every photo of the baby and with her. She still doesn't know about me, but really its only a matter of time till she does.
      It's really sad though to see someone go so out of there way to try and hurt someone, Where does that get you? You're still alone at night, but now you're also losing a friend. You're going to put that baby threw hell and back by not getting along with the father just because your not getting your way. And your child is not a ploy in some game. It's not fair to use an innocent baby to try and hurt someone else.

       I really wish I could have ten minutes with this girl to tell her everything I think, that she is a heartless bitch and she got herself in this situation knowing fairwell that nothing was going to happen with him. It's your fault you pyshotic whore.

THAT GIRL.

Being Someones Secret

      Nobody is as innocent as they would like to believe. We all have our dirty little secrets that we don't want anyone to know, that we ourselves would rather just forget. But how do you cope with being that secret?
      I've given the boyfriend a second chance, even after probably one of the bigger mistakes someone could make. I've forgiven him and moved past it. At the moment when we discussed getting back together I convinced myself I could in fact look past that mistake as long as I was with him.
     But that mistake has led to this point in time. My friends can know that we are together, But a good majority of his can't, in fear that a certain someone would find out and make the resy of his life a living hell. As I am in the midst of dealing with this, I'm not happy being that secret. It took years, many mistakes, and countless arguments to get back here, to get back to him, I want to shout it from the rooftops! But instead I'm kept in silence, only being able to share my excitement with a select few. Being in a relationship but at the same time feeling so alone. When we discussed what getting back together was going to entail, I felt my life almost revolving into a movie. I'm a girl, we like the occasional drama, I was almost excited to be that selected one to keep such a secret. But now it disgusts me. I know this is not the case, but it almost makes me feel like he might be ashamed of me. That dating me is in fact that bad, and he can't tell anyone. But it's not the case. I'm his date to every fraternity function, party, dinner, or movie date....but I'm just that, I'm the "date", or "friend from back home". Never the Girlfriend.
       I think that's what bothers me the most, that I am never introduced as the girlfriend. That simple word shouldn'd mean anything, however in this moment of time I long to hear it. Just one simple word, to be introduced as the girlfriend, and have him take pride in it. Not hide me.
      Anytime I try to bring it up it never turns into an argument, just a quick change of subject or the constant reallization that you know what you got yourself into, and then me stepping away from the situation for a few hours or a few days to come to grips that if I want to be with him, I have to get over this little roadbump.
       But truth be told, No one deserves to be someones secret. You should be proud of the person you are with. You should never allow someone to come between you, or put fear in you for being happy with the person you're in love with.

THAT GIRL

Long Distance and Cold Weather

       When the boyfriend and I first started dating the first time around, it was the start of senior year. We saw eachother every day, litterally. We shared Lunch and studyhall together, which in the first week of school starting meant nothing. The first day of school was the worst day of my life, I got stuck with a teacher who I had butted heads with in the past, a class that I really wanted to take was taken off the curiculem last minute so instead without discussion I was thrown in a two period class of fashion merchandising and sewing. I'm an artist by nature, anything I can do where my hands can be used and my creativity can take over I'm in love with. But this class was full of the senior and junior class blonde airheads and stuckup bitches, I wasn't happy. So that being my first two periods that started off my senior year, I then traveled to the other side of the building to be met with a person who lets just say is not my biggest fan. This person was one of the deans who decided what kind of trouble you would be in when you got written up. Lets just say I had to meet with him a few times, and he was my now my english teacher. But senior year was beginning to look like a year of torture, not the greatest time of your life. When the 52 agonizing minutes of this period was over, I raced to my locker. Which techniqually wasn't my locker at all. I never used my actual locker, probably because it was in the "no-man land", the area where the stoners hungout on the opposite side of the building where no classrooms where located. It was gloomy, and strange, so instead I moved in with my best friend.
       As I disected my way threw the crowds and crossed threw the courtyard, I saw a boy I had never seen before in the first three years. He was adorable, tall, and a smile just lit up the room. But as I passed I noticed whom he was talking too, the class cassonova. The boy who prided himself in how many girls he slept with and was just determined to keep adding to that list. At that moment in time I saw the cute boy with the dimples as someone to forget and not waste my time on. I made my way to my best friend and immediatly went into complaints of how this was possibly the worst day of my life. She laughed and said well it can only get better now. Surprisingly she was right.
       My next class was photo. The teacher of this class had be one of teachers for one of my art classes, for every year I've been at that school. He loved me and the feeling was mutual. There wasn't anything you couldn't get away with. For example a group of his favorite students asked if we could take a little trip to the barn in the back of school to take pictures, no one ever used this area by the photo classes. He'd agree without any thought and ask another teacher to watch over his class while he escorted our group outside. You'd think people would have noticed that this was the first day of class and no one had their cameras with them.....
       These trips were never used to take pictures. But to spend the 52 min of class smoking a ciggerette or an occasional blunt and bitch about how our days were going. Our teacher never complained, by our junior year he had gotten attached and looked at our group as a group of his friends not students. He'll deny the tears today, but at graduation he had to give a speech and turned away as he mentioned us cause he got a little choked up.
      This class always went by way too fast, but thankfully after was lunch. I waited a few minutes for a few people to finish up and then walk with them, one of my favorite things about my senior year was my lunch hour. I sat at a table full of the people who'd been some of my best friends since 5th grade. As I sat down at our table I quickly felt someone stareing at me, I looked away from my friend to glance over to notice the boy with the smile sitting 3 tables down sitting right in front of me, he quickly looked away the minute we made eye contact to only look back a few minutes later. Great, I thought, of course I attract all the dicks. Lunch was only a 26 minute period, split down the middle with studyhall. So our friend reunion didn't last long and soon the bell rung signaling we all start moving our asses to be bored out of our minds for the next 26 minutes.
       As I reached our designated classroom everyone was in a line waiting to be told where our assigned seats where. You would think by now they would let us choose our seats. The list droaned on, jimmy sitting next to betsy, joey next to jane. Blah blah blah. Finally my name, I quickly take my seat and wait to hear who my new partner in crime will be. I hear a name I've never heard before. I glance up and see the boy with the smile, making eye contact a little smile forming on his lips, and making his way to take up the seat next to mine. Wonderful. So now half my senior year I'm gonna to deal with him. But as we sat there, he said nothing. He was very fidgety, he kept bouncing his leg and playing with his hands, but was completely silent. Maybe it won't be that bad.
       As the bell rang he glanced over and just quickly said "that was fun", with a little snicker. I couldn't help but smile, his was slightly addicting.
      As the days passed in the week, I started to find myself looking forward to that class period, sitting next to boy waiting to hear what else he had to say.
      As Friday approached, we had shared our casual "hello"s. And then just went on with our business, that's where it began, and that's where it ended. But today was different, he kept looking at the clock, super fidgety today. As there where only about 4 minutes left in the period, he looked over to me and you could just taste the nerves that was coming off him. Trying to sound confident, but failing miserably he asked " so do you have a facebook, or a screename or a......phone number?" Smooth. I couldn't help but laugh at how awkawrd this question was, but I gave in. I could have easily written my number on a piece of paper and given it to him, but nope. Instead I grabbed the closest marker and then his hand and written it on the inside of his palm. Almost marking my terrotory right there and then. I smiled and said "talk to you later" and took off to my next class. 
       I didn't hear from him that night, or Saturday. Instead Sunday evening he called, I ignored it. I texted him about an hour later, and continued to talk to him till about 3 in the morning. The following day we were officially boyfriend and girlfriend. From that day forth there was a day that passed that I didn't see him.
       When highschool ended and he left for school, it was the harded 6 months of my life. I say six months because thats how long we lasted until we went our serperate ways.
       That was two years ago, the two of us have grown and changed for the better. I'm at home working on forming my own catering business, while he's finishing up his last year and a half of college before deciding on a law school to attend. Even though we no longer fight like we use to, and have rebuilt the trust, and in all honesty are better then ever before, The distance never gets easy. Its rainy and windy outside and only about 47 degrees. I'm cuddled up in his hoodie and blanket, but I'd give anything to have him here instead. It's Wednesday, and I just got done spending all weekend with him. But it feels like ages. I can only look forward and be thankful that next weekend I'll have 4 days to spend with him, celebrate halloween and be able to spend that quality time that we have come to cherish instead of waste.

Being young and in love is the greatest feeling in the world.

THAT GIRL

Whats Love Got To Do With It: The Sex Addition

       I'm Greatly enjoying this "blogging" thing, hence my third post and the day isn't even over yet...but this post is being written while also carrying on a conversation with my best friends....we also might be sharing a rather large bottle of svedka vodka, and in do time this conversation very likely will turn into an argument.
       The topic at hand is that of America's favorite...Sex.

      Mens view on sex, and females view on sex is surprisingly turning into an agreement rather then a disagreement. The boys have asked well why can't females just have sex to have sex think like a man. Sex feels great so why can't it just stop there? Why does a female always expect more to come of it?
      But then the girls rebuttle takes place...Why can't females just have sex without being catagorized as a slut? We'd love to just have a pyschical connection with someone without expecting them to stick around....however that expectation that we hold isn't always our fault. After sex no matter what a man will say the majority of you wether you like to or not, will turn around and wrap your arm around that woman. This is where you are at fault. When cuddling a hormone is released called Oxytocin, this hormone can be confused with the possible feeling that you might be feeling something along the lines of love with this guy.
     So really the fact that woman expect more isn't our fault...it's our bodies fault.

     Now on to the age old question of why a woman can't have just sex or you are a whore. Men do it all the time. They bring home any girl they would like to see naked tonight and nothing becomes of it...it's just men being men. But a female does it and everyone including females look down upon that girl. The rumor mill starts turning and suddenly not only is she considered a slut, but she also might be pregnant, she has multiple std's, and it's very likely that she stole your boyfriend. Even though none of this is true and they are just rumors, it hurts none the less.
     As I made my point the males in this get together ended up agreeing that I am in fact correct and even they have been found to consider a girl "loose" of "not wanted" for these exact reasons.

Sex is America's past time, Everyone deserves to get lucky.

THAT GIRL

Who Do You Have But A Bottle of Whiskey

     Theres a fine line between an alcoholic and You...if theres even a line at all anymore. I tried to help, but instead you slapped my hand away and pushed me aside.
    My Ex is the most troubled, lost soul around. I have always had a problem where I am madly attracted to those that you can just tell needs your help. But you can't help someone who refuses to help himself. When I ended things with my highschool sweetheart I met a guy who I figured would be my rebound. Have fun with him for a couple of months and throw him away, have him help me move on from my broken heart....well that rebound a year of the most rocky and turbulent rollercoaster of emotions. I fell in love..something I didn't expect or want for that matter. At first the relationship was strictly psychical, I won't lie it was amazing. Just a physical bond that made you completely forget the outside world....just pure bliss. However in time feelings came into play what was just suppose to be sex turned into a relationship...a relationship of constant fighting, argueing, hatred, and making up.
       Over the year that passed we broke up and got back together too many times to count. But when we both walked away for good the things that were said were completely unforgiveable. The disrespect and resentment that came out of that relationship was just sad to say the least. I loved him I cared about him and I'll admit..I just wanted to fix him. I wanted to cure him of his depression, make him reallize that he didn't need to drink a 12 case of beer by himself every night. But my help was seen him a different light.... to him I couldn't accept him or love him for who he was. Over countless arguments that that was not the case, that I simply just didn't want to see him waste his life or die at a young age....he could never see this.

       Today I'm in love with another. As for him he found someone who can accept him for his ciggerettes and booze for now, until she as well reallizes that she can not change that coward.

THAT GIRL

When you just Can't help by Snoop

      Almost four years ago I met a boy. He was everything a girl could possibly dream of, the spitting image of the tall, dark and handsome hollywood says we should want. We were together for a year and half of my life till it came to a bitter end. He met a girl who I do not know personally, from others accounts she can only be described as a determined, obnoxious, hearless bitch. Since I found myself in the way of her warpath I can't help but agree with this discription. It takes a very special person to come between a couple, to go out of their way to try and get someone they know is in a relationship. But it also takes two to tango, he wasn't innocent in anyway.
       That happened 2 years ago, and since then they broke up and he found his way back. I might be considered a doormat for allowing someone to hurt me so and then take them back. I made my mistakes as well, we met at such a young age that we needed time to find ourselves, see other people. If it was meant to be then it finds a way to be.
       Even though I have forgiven him and we have started over with a blank slate....I can't help but snoop. The old pictures of them together that are still on facebook, the old comments that they shared back and forth, reading the "I love you's" and "miss you too's". I know that if I want this to work the second time around those things need to be ignored, but they happened their there and they mock you. I'm I the only one who can't help but think that I'm an idiot for giving him a second chance, a second chance that maybe he doesn't deserve after the pain he put me threw, yes it was so long ago but the thought of it still brings a flip flop in my stomach and a cringe in heart.
If you are going to love, You also need to Forgive.


There's really not a doubt in my mind that this is the man I'm going to spend the rest of my life with. In time I suppose everyone needs to learn to forgive the mistakes others make, Including the man that broke your heart and the girl who stood by his side and laughed about it.

THAT GIRL